Everett True

Song of the day – 350: I, Ludicrous (reprise)

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I’m really enjoying writing these latest Songs of the Day, based around Vincent Vanoli‘s illustrations. I’m going to ask him if he’d be kind enough to do some more. Here’s the latest. I, Ludicrous’s seminal tale of life on the road with no hope looming. The second time this very song has featured within this series, but … we want a repeat performance! We need a rewrite.

Google Translate reckons Vincent’s words translate as, “It has not been applauded too, anyway, there was nobody to see us” – or, as I, Ludicrous has it, “The crowd doesn’t care/Because the crowd isn’t there/We’re the support band”. Such a great song. Such poignant lyrics. “The singer’s too fat/The vocals are flat/We’re the support band.” I’m astonished Art Brut haven’t covered it already. Maybe they have. After all, I once covered an Art Brut song before they’d even released it (‘Formed A Band’).

This is the reality. No one cares. No one comes to see you. You play in front of a couple of mates, your brother and a disinterested bar manager idly tallying up the excess from the band ‘rider’ so he can charge you double afterwards. It would come out of your fee, except you don’t have one. Happy to play without paying, frankly. You don’t have a van either, and you face an arduous trek back on London transport home to Rotherhithe. No soundcheck, the only instrument you can hear on stage is a sarcastic guitar. The vocals are nowhere. The first five songs are played out to stony silence. A couple of drunks near the back get up and mock-slow dance to your heartfelt song of unrequited love. They give up after the third instrumental break. The ‘joke’ numbers fall flatter than a flat full of pancakes. The trombone-player starts arguing with the guitarist. The bassist storms off in a huff, and no one notices. A girl wanders down the front and asks if you do requests.

“Sure,” you reply, grateful for the attention, even though you pride yourself on playing ‘all originals’.

“Get off the fucking stage then.”

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