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The Definitive List | The 100 Greatest Songs of All Time, Part 5

The Definitive List | The 100 Greatest Songs of All Time, Part 5
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Part five. And do I feel your enthusiasm flagging? Quite the contrary!

It seems that you can barely contain yourselves as this list starts to inexorably move towards its climax, the Greatest Song of All Time! A couple of days ago, I printed what we in the trade call “a teaser”; 10 questions from an interested reader contributor designed specifically to uncover the fifth wall and let you, the other contributor reader, inside the veil that separates the process from the processed. And today, I’m going to print the answers? Can you contain yourself? Well, please do.

THE TOP 10 INTERVIEW QUESTIONS FOR THE TOP 100 SONGS OF ALL TIME as set by interested Collapse Board reader contributor MIKE TURNER

1. How did Collapse Board set up to decide the Top 100 songs of all time, and what was the formula that was used to decide such a important list that would decide the how all music past, present, and the future would be judged against?

I’m glad you asked me this, Mike. I decided that in the age of user-generated content and levelled playing fields, the best way to score a goal would be to shoot straight for goal and not worry about any obstacles (players) that might or might not be in the way. I started a thread on Facebook. On the thread on Facebook, I suggested that people might want to take part in the definitive list of the 100 Greatest Songs of All Time and that they could vote for their favourite, the only provisos being that 1) the song should be great, 2) the song should be a song, and 3) one person, one vote unless I wasn’t paying attention in which case the voters (as we call them in the trade) would be perfectly able to slip in and vote three or 10 times. I asked them to vote in descending order, because that seemed most simple. I warned them that the chart would be considered ‘definitive’ and that it would be more democratic and representative than any similar chart because, well, it was one person one vote not a bloody committee.

If all music past, present and future going to be judged against it you can hardly blame the people who are doing/will be doing/were doing the judging even though I wasn’t necessarily looking for followers or acolytes. I guess that’s just a natural by-product.

2. If the Top 100 songs of all time has been decided at this point via Collapse Board does that mean any song from the moment that list was created could only hope at best to be song 101?

I’m glad you asked me this, Mike. Yes.

3. If a song did make it to the new Number 1 status of the Top 101 songs of all time would that be the new standard to which all future music would be judged?

I’m glad you asked me this, Mike. That’s not possible. See above. The decision has been made, and it is immutable.

4. Will Collapse Board do a Top 100 list of Top 100 song lists of all time then compile the numbers to make an even more definitive list of the Top 100 songs of all time?

I’m glad you asked me this, Mike. That will not be necessary. We already have the definitive list of the Top 100 Songs of all time.

5. Do you think because of the website traffic generator that Top 100 or just lists in general are, that Collapse Board will start making lists like Top 100 most un-shredding guitar solos, Top 100 songs with ‘the’ in the title, Top 100 songs by bands with one dead member, Top 100 songs that stalled at Number 100 on the Billboard Top 200 of all time lists, and so on?

That is a good suggestion, Mike. Indeed, plans are already in place to give the whole of Collapse Board over to such lists for the entirety of 2014 and 2015. Coincidentally, these will take place just as Scott Creney takes up his new position as Marketing Consultant for Matador Records and brings their entire advertising budget for those years to this website, where we will continue to print career-destroying reviews of bands we find lacking in even the smallest degree.

6. Do you feel that bringing lists to Collapse Board will make the writers at Collapse Board even more lazy than they already are about turning in fresh new content?

I’m glad you asked me that, Mike. I actually believe that at this point in time it would be statistically impossible for our writers to be even lazier, but we shall see.

7. So let’s say and this is very much hypothetical but any artist in the top 100 songs of all time like Beyonce or Justin Timberlake were to commit a mass murder, found to be a cannibal, or a pedo or something of that nature, would that take them and their song out of the Top 100 in the same way that Milli Vanilli lost their Grammy?

I’m glad you asked me that, Mike. I can categorically state no… unless pressure was brought to bear, in which case yes.

8. Is there any way for an artist on the list to write in and demand or make a case for a higher placement in the top 100 if they were to be able to make a real valid argument?

I’m glad you asked me that, Mike. Yes there is. Via my Paypal account – ramonesfan79@yahoo.co.uk.

9. Is it true that Matador Records tried to buy the Top 10 in the Top 100 songs of all time list?

I’m glad you asked me that, Mike. To the best of my knowledge, no.

10. When will Collapse Board tackle the Top 100 Lisps List of All Time? I already vote in Morrissey and Daniel Johnston, so only 98 more to go.

I’m glad you asked me that, Mike.

60. L7 – Shitlist

59. Wild Billy Childish & The Blackhands – Millionaire

58. Dickless – C Word

57. Ramones – Rockaway Beach

56. Robert Palmer – Johnny And Mary

55. Joy Division – Atmosphere

54. Nirvana – Smells Like Teen Spirit

53. Arthur Alexander – Anna

52. Calamity Jane – Shark

51. Stiff Little Fingers – Alternative Ulster

Related posts:
The Definitive List | The 100 Greatest Songs of All Time, Part 1
The Definitive List | The 100 Greatest Songs of All Time, Part 2
The Definitive List | The 100 Greatest Songs of All Time, Part 3
The Definitive List | The 100 Greatest Songs of All Time, Part 4

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