the single best paragraph I’ve written in a review for years
It’s the third-to-last paragraph of my recent Primitive Calculators review for Mess + Noise.
I can remember fuck all of my previous existence, just a few snatched and bloody snapshots. I’m 15 and on Scout camp, ripping a friend a new asshole, tearing him apart inch by inch. “Punch him Thomas,” everyone else is screaming at him. “Punch him!” I’m 10 years old and I’ve been sent home from school again for hospitalising my teacher. I’m 19 and under threat of court action. I’m 28 and spewing sideways out of cab on the way to destination unknown. I’m 32 and it’s Reading Festival and I’ve been hospitalised for excessive alcohol consumption. I’m 36 and fucked up out of my brain on alcohol and cunts are still running the world. I’m 43 and fucked up out of my brain on alcohol and cunts are still running the world. I’m 52 and fucked up out of my brain on no alcohol and cunts are still running the world.
The Primitive Calculators album is incredible. And as proud as I am of this paragraph – and the review – I still fear that it fails to do even the remotest of justice to the music.
Such is the nature of this savage symbiotic one-sided relationship I often find myself in.