Nicki Minaj – Pink Friday Roman Reloaded (Universal)

Great strapline from a recent Guardian article. Nice to see that women are no longer objectified: that talent is held up as more important than looks or a ‘smart mouth’ when it comes to talking about females.

She has a body like Marilyn and a mouth like Eminem. No wonder Nicki Minaj is the hottest female rapper in the world.

Or maybe it doesn’t matter when you don’t like the artist in question?

This following song is killer. The echoed percussion is spooky as all hell. Love the way the music is stripped-down, silence is used as an instrument. (I’m Everett True! Why wouldn’t I love that?) Classic Queen Bee refrain in the refrain. Stands out a moonlit mile.

Bitches ain’t shit and they ain’t saying nothin’
A hundred mothafuckas can’t tell me nothin’
I beez in the trap, be-beez in the trap
I beez in the trap, be-beez in the trap

Been listening to Nicki Minaj’s new album Pink Friday Roman Reloaded on the bus in this morning, all 22 illegally downloaded tracks of it. (Note to censors: this is, of course, artistic license. I’m fucken’ wi’tcha. No fucken’ way would I do shit like that. Jes’ makes it sound more real, ya feel me? Like rappers and shit bragging about bling when it’s just a song, not real life. Think about it.) Think the mock-Audrey Hepburn (My Fair Lady) vocals and sub-Crass appropriation of classical motifs on the opening track ‘Roman Holiday’ are so grating they’re borderline genius, the way shoving a foot-long Parmesan grater up my ass is fucking genius, the way it hurts but hurts so good. Think … wait, 22 fucken’ tracks? That’s way too much Nicki Minaj for my tastes. Especially when over half of it could be anyfuckingbody. I preferred it when I didn’t know how to pronounce her name. Minaj, as in minagerie, right? Exotic, yet base.

Been wondering who Nicki’s target audience might be. Six-year-old girls pissed off that they don’t get to … wait. I can’t write that … for another six years? Ask Ellen. She knows.

This next song’s great, too. Got to love the post-2001: A Space Odyssey swarm of bees backing track.

No one would be complaining the fuck out these lyrics if they weren’t by a female.

7up went and gave, my commercial to Cee-Lo
But don’t tell ’em I said it, let’s keep it on the d-low
If you need you a look, just put me on your song
But you know it’ll cost, about six figures long
But you bitches ain’t got it, where the fuck is your budgets
Flying spurs for hers means I’m fuckin above it
And I just got a ghost and I’m callin it Casper
But this shit is so cold it belong in Alaska
Why da fuck I’m I stylin I competes with myself
When u win against Nicki u depleted your wealth
And I’m not masturbating but I’m feelin myself
Paparazzi is waitin cuz them pictures would sell
Yeah now don’t you feel stupid yeah dat’s egg on your face
If you wasn’t so ugly I’d put my dick in your face
Dick in your face put my dick in your face

I ain’t denying that she can be fucking annoying – whoever thought that ‘Barbie Girl’ updated for the Lady Gaga generation would sell? – but my main problem with Nicki Minaj is I know precisely which of my friends love her, without asking.

Is that a problem?

There ain’t that much of a leap from this:

to this:

Related posts: Suck My Minaj

by Everett True

My name is Everett True. I am a music critic. This is what I do. I criticise music. The clue is in my job description – music critic. I do not consider myself a journalist, as I do not research or report hard news. I do not consider myself a commentator as I believe that everyone should be a participant. I criticise people and in return I am not surprised if other people criticise me. It is part of the whole deal of being in the public arena. I am Everett True. Believe in me and I have power like a God. Quit believing in me and I no longer exist.